I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
