so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
