i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
