RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I AM VODKA MAN
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
