So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
