So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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