I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
