you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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