I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
