First date: that requires underwear, huh?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
