Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
