I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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