Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize
