He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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