and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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