"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
