We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
