i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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