I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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