he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I think I am morally bankrupt
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
