I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
