There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
