i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
