she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
