dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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