dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
