my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize