It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
