Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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