It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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