sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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