Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
