Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
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