Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
