Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
