i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
