Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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