Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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