OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
