i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
