grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
