we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
