New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
