I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
