We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
