i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
my sisters under your porch take her home
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
