im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I have tasted many bathrooms
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
