Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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