I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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