I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
