it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Randomize
