i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
