recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
