im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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