I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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