Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
you had me at cake vodka
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
