do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
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