i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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