Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
