Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
