I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
