Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
