He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize