I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
