my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
don't judge my taste in strippers
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize