My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
