Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Randomize
