White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
