im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
