when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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