Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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