Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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