omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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